MOVED!!!

Hello Dear Readers,

This blog has moved to: the freedom and fulfillment website.

Please join me there!

What You Can Learn From Two Bites of Chocolate

First off, I need to apologize for being so out of touch. There are many things going on in my life right now and I'm having trouble keeping up with the writing. I recently started reporting for The Examiner on their health channel and it is a very different kind of writing than I'm used to doing in my blog and newsletters. I really took on a lot this fall and now I'm struggling to keep up with everything and getting really cranky because my writing is one of the things that brings me the most joy. So in an attempt to reconnect with that part of myself I'm going to talk a little bit about the Feed Your Soul, Feed Your Body workshop I just did at Westchester Jewish Services.

I had a much larger group than I used to getting (it turned out to be 18 women) so I was a little nervous about that because I always have a lot of group participation and interaction and with that many people, I was nervous about keeping it on track. But it turned out great. Everyone who had something to say got to say it and I covered all the info that I wanted to. I have to say that this particular group of women really were smart and had really thought-provoking comments.

One of the exercises that I do in the workshop is to give each person a piece of chocolate and have them write down what's going on inside their head at the thought of consuming what's in front of them. After that, I have them unwrap the chocolate and take one bite. They then write down what they experience and what their thoughts are about eating the chocolate. They are then free to take the next bite, or not and they write down why they made the choice they did.

The exercise is a deliberate slowing down of a process for overeaters that usually takes a nanosecond. And when you slow things down, it gives you a chance to pay attention and notice things that you otherwise wouldn't.

What's revealed during this exercise is always surprising to me and to the participants. One woman made the decision not to eat the chocolate because she had taken the time to check in with herself and realized that she really didn't want it as opposed to following her usual reflex which is to see the chocolate and eat it. She really felt empowered about making that decision and not just blindly doing what she had always done. it was gratifying to see how good she felt about the decision that she made and how good she felt about doing it differently this time.

It doesn't matter whether you eat the chocolate or don't, the purpose of the exercise is to have some awareness about what you're doing and to make a conscious decision about what you will do.

The other comment I got came from a woman who said she was able to really enjoy the chocolate because she knew there was no danger of eating the whole bag. That just confirmed for me what I've been saying for years which is that we overeat not because we lack discipline, but because we put a "charge"on foods by making them forbidden, by telling ourselves that we can't be trusted around them, and by blocking our enjoyment in the first place because we're telling ourselves we shouldn't be eating whatever it is we're eating at the time. When you're somewhere and a really special dessert is being served that's something that you love but never get to eat--you should eat it! One of my catchphrases in my workshop is: If you're going to eat something, then LET YOURSELF HAVE IT! In other words, don't block the experience of pleasure by making yourself feel guilty about what you're eating. There's no point to that; it just makes you feel bad and that just makes you want to eat more. Also, if you were eating the food for the sake of pleasure and you were blocking the pleasure by telling yourself how weak willed you are and that you shouldn't be eating it, then you actually miss the experience that you went to the food for and you've ingested the calories but you missed the fun part.

So it was the idea of savoring and allowing yourself pleasure while you ingest the chocolate that was the other point of the exercise. Many of the women were surprised to find that after eating the chocolate they realized that they were actually satisfied and that one was enough. One woman said that she actually ate slowly enough to realize that the chocolate didn't even taste good and she wondered why she had eaten those candy bars her whole life. How's that for a great realization? To come to the place where you don't even like it.

I thank you, ladies at the WJCS for attending the workshop and for all of your wonderful participation. I hope that after taking it, all of you will see things a little differently and do things a little differently. And when you're about to dive in to that next piece of chocolate or that pint of ice cream stop and slow down and make the decision to let yourself have it, because if you're going to eat it anyway, you may as well enjoy what you're eating.

The Luxury of Arrival or The Thing Under the "Thing"

We’re all working so hard to “get somewhere.” Whether it’s a better job, a loving relationship, a livelihood as an artist, a successful business, financial security, or to be acknowledged for who we are and what we’re trying to put out in the world, everyone has a different “thing” that they’re after, and they believe once they get the “thing,” they’ll finally be happy. My “thing” is to present my workshops around the country and have a coaching practice with more clients than I can handle into eternity.

So what’s your “thing?” Once you have that answer ask yourself: what feeling or state of mind will having that “thing” give me? How will I feel once I arrive at my destination? For me the first emotion that comes to mind once I get my “thing” is relief....and then a deep peace.

What’s the thing under the "thing" for you? What feeling will you have once you get that relationship, job, promotion, role, or recognition? Is it completion, self-acceptance, feeling seen, heard, or loved; relief, security, safety? Really take a moment to make contact with what that feeling is for you once you have arrived at your destination.

I have a surprise for you. You can have the thing under the "thing" anytime you choose. Believe it or not, the thing under the "thing" is not attached to the "thing!" Crazy sounding I know, but absolutely true. We make the emotional connections to the "thing"--we project our emotional needs on the “thing.” The “thing” itself doesn’t give us anything--we choose the feelings we have once we get the “thing.”

You can actively choose to have the thing under the "thing" in your life right now, by itself--even if you don’t have the “thing.”

So if it’s security, peace, approval, arrival, or just needing to exhale because you’re finally there--you can do it right now. Take a couple of minutes each day to get a mental picture of the feelings that you want to have and walk into them face first. Stay there for as long as you can. Bathe in them and when you’ve had enough then get on with the rest of your day. I guarantee that doing this will not only change the shape and feel of your deepest desires but will give your more tranquility on a daily basis.

The luxury of arrival is this: there’s nothing better than operating from an emotional place where you already have everything that you want. The more at ease that you feel about where you are now allows more of the same to enter. When you are tense, grasping or unhappy you block the flow of good things into your life. Don’t miss the opportunities that exist everyday to start putting those good things there yourself while you’re waiting for the “thing” to show up. Things can take time, but you can experience the luxury of arrival right now. You can give yourself the thing under the “thing” anytime you want.

P.S. I have found this to be a very powerful practice. Try it for a week straight and let me know what happens.

New Beginnings

Every moment of your life, including this one, is a fresh start.

I love this quote and I never get tired of reading it. At any moment we can make the decision that our past experiences will not determine our future. We can decide that we're going to see things differently and do things differently. We can step out of our old patterns and go about things in a new way. It's never too late to change the way we habitually do things or view our circumstances.

Sometimes I like to follow the Heyoka* and do the exact opposite of what I would normally do in a given situation. The Heyoka were the shamans of the Lakota tribe and they did things like put their clothes on inside out, walk backwards and dance backwards, and show emotions opposite to the expected ones in an effort to shake up the accustomed and accepted and to oppose the status quo. The did this precisely to push the fold of accepted reality, and sound a wake up call.

So here's what I would like to propose as we embark on a new season: I am going to use this moment as a fresh start and do like the Heyoka. Everyone who knows me knows that I dread and despise the cold weather; so much so that I start freaking out as soon as the fall weather hits. So I have decided that instead of dreading it and being miserable and unhappy when it starts to get cold, I will do exactly the opposite. I will look forward to the winter the way I look forward to and relish the spring and summer. I will celebrate each cold day and the colder it gets the happier and more excited I will get.

I know what being miserable in the winter gets me and I've finally come to realize that what Eckhart Tolle says is true: The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. So I'm willing to try something different and extreme in the hopes of shifting a pattern that has only added negativity to my life. I'll be reporting back on my experiment.

*The Heyoka were part of the Lakota Indian tribes. They were known as the "sacred clowns" and were considered shamans. The Heyókȟa functions both as a mirror and a teacher, using extreme behaviors to mirror others, thereby forcing them to examine their own doubts, fears, hatreds, and weaknesses. Heyókȟas also have the power to heal emotional pain; such power comes from the experience of shame--they sing of shameful events in their lives, beg for food, and live as clowns. They provoke laughter in distressing situations of despair and provoke fear and chaos when people feel complacent and overly secure, to keep them from taking themselves too seriously or believing they are more powerful than they are. In doing so, they demonstrate concretely the theories of balance and imbalance. Their role is to penetrate deception, turn over rocks, and create a deeper awareness.

Feed Your Soul, Feed Your Body

My next workshop is Saturday, October 3rd at Oasis Day Spa in Dobbs Ferry.

Tired of struggling with your eating?
Would you like to have a peaceful relationship with food?

In this workshop you will learn what really drives your eating and how to stop using food for comfort, nurturing, and stress relief.

It takes a lifetime to build our eating habits. Changing this dynamic requires time, patience, and a willingness to do things differently.

You can have a relaxed relationship with food and a healthy fit body.

It's possible.

This is not a weight loss program; it is a system of self-care that will assist you in making real and long lasting positive changes in the way that you deal with your body and food issues.

Time: 9:30 am - 12 noon
Cost: $45
Advance payment required. Click here.

What's the Real Secret Tracy?

This is a letter to Tracy Anderson (trainer to Madonna and Gwenyth Paltrow)

Hi Tracy,
Well congratulations on hooking a nice guy. What’s your gain is Madonna’s loss but doesn’t she have more than enough of everything already? She’ll find someone else to run the Raising Malawi Charity but she’s convinced that she’ll never find another you. From what I read in Page Six in the New York Post on Monday you live with her wherever she goes in the world so that she never misses a workout. Now that’s dedication. It’s also called, I’ve got nothing else to do with myself but obsess about what I look like all day long. I know the disease. I used to have it.

They also said in Page Six that you revealed your secrets on how “Madonna molds her astonishing body.” You said: "We train for two hours six days a week. We do 45 minutes of dance aerobics, followed by work on muscle tone, flexibility and definition.”

Wow, Tracy what a reveal! You gave away your big training secret! Do you also have them cut their carbs and not eat sugar because I don’t know if anyone told you but that’s also a way to lose weight.

So working out six days a week for two hours really does the trick? Who’d a thunk it. I had no idea. Thanks for the tip Tracy. I’m going to get right on it but before I do, can you tell me the secret behind the secret? How anyone over 30 can stand to do that much exercise that often without dropping dead from exhaustion? Will you tell us that secret??? Do you put amphetamines into their water bottles? Or is there some other trick that you use? I’d love to know Tracy because right now, if I can get through 15 minutes of cardio I consider it a really good day.

Well, good luck with your job of making skinny people even skinnier and I’ll let you know how it goes--you know, using your “secret” for weight loss.

Your Friend,
Cathy

A Remembrance of Bathing Suits Past

It was the Friday of the 4th of July weekend and I decided to stop into Old Navy to return a pair of size 8 shorts that were too small. Now most women will understand that there was not an option to just go in and buy the larger size—that was Old Navy’s problem. How dare they change the sizing I thought. They have some nerve--they just lost a customer. As I continue my walk through the cavernous space and I come across a hot pink bikini that catches my eye and something about the cut of it makes me think, “maybe there’s a chance I can get away with it.” Red Flag #1 – if you’re contemplating wearing a bikini and the phrase “get away with it” comes into your mind at any point during said contemplation you need to put the thing down and walk away. You don’t get away with a bikini, you can either wear it or you can’t.

And yet, there I was in the Old Navy at Herald Square contemplating buying a hot pink bikini. I could feel that old denial that used to operate when I was much heavier rearing it’s head and convincing me, it will be OK this could look OK.

I quickly walk to the counter to make the exchange.

It is at this point that I would like to introduce you to Anthony. Anthony was the poor, unfortunate, employee that happened to be working the register that fateful Friday who also made the mistake of saying to me when I put the bathing suit on the counter: “will that be all?” When it comes to my body issues I have struggled with a kind of turrets my whole life. It’s something I definitely have in check but every once in a while it gets the best of me and when I answered Anthony, I couldn’t believe what I was saying. “Yes, that will be all and can you believe that I actually think that my fat ass is going to fit into this bathing suit?” Anthony tries to hide his surprise but letting out a chuckle and then says “Oh, no I’m sure it’s going to look great, Anthony knows.” What he doesn’t know is not to challenge the angry monster. “Really, I said? Then can you give me your cell phone number so that when I try it on at home and it looks terrible I can call you and scream?” I knew that I crossed the line with that one. Anthony laughs again and responds with: I’m sure it’s going to look great.” I realized that if I pushed the conversation any further, I’d find myself being escorted out of the store by security so I just said, “make sure you give me the receipt and don’t put it in the bag. I want to be able to return this when it doesn’t fit.” I had to have the last word.

I left the store, bathing suit in hand and went to meet up with my friend Genie. Genie is 5’8” and weighs about 115lbs. but she watches every morsel that she puts in her mouth and obsesses over gaining an ounce. It was good that I was meeting with her and not another friend who would try to take Anthony’s side in this. I wanted someone who would really get it and validate me. I didn’t want to hear another version of Anthony’s lies.

After I told her the story she gave me the following suggestion: after you paid for the suit, you should have gone into the dressing room and tried it on. Then you could have walked out onto the sales floor and screamed over to him “hey Anthony, the bathing suit doesn’t look so great does it?” Looks pretty bad, doesn’t it Anthony? Right? Look at me Anthony, the shit doesn’t fit. No this is not what looking good looks like Anthony. I told you, didn’t I?”

Genie and I were both roaring in the restaurant thinking of this scenario and I kept thinking, if only I had the nerve.

I went home after that and shoved the bathing suit into a drawer for four weeks because I really, really wanted Anthony to be right. So who do you think was right in the end? Anthony or Me? The answer is: I was! OK, maybe each of us was a little right. The top looked fine, but below the waist not so good. What Anthony needs to know but doesn’t is that I wore that bikini anyway with my sarong and yes, I looked pretty good.