Savor-ing

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the concept of pleasure. I know that like myself, many women use food as their primary or one of their primary sources of pleasure in life. I’ve been investigating other sources lately and in the process have found that it’s not so much about finding things that are pleasurable but finding the pleasure in things. And I believe there is a word for this--it’s called savoring.

Savor – to get enjoyment from.

I think this concept extends way beyond the enjoyment of food, which frankly much of the time I miss due to my judgment about what I’m eating, but that’s a long story for another post! I do know that it’s possible to savor people, places and things.

I have a friend who works at home and she takes a half hour break each day to go out and have a cup of tea at her local coffee shop. When she described to me how she sits and takes in the enviornment and really enjoys every sip of her tea- – I was kind of awestruck! Wow, I thought it’s just a cup of tea but she’s getting so much enjoyment out of it which leads me to believe...

Savoring has much less to do with the object being savored than it does with your state of mind.

You can savor anything, all it takes is consciousness and slowing down enough to allow yourself to really experience it. Savoring is a way to connect with an object or person but also a way to connect with yourself. It’s all happening too fast, too much, too soon. Let’s start slowing down and savoring all of the things we’ve worked so hard to get into our lives--our living spaces, the nature that’s around us, a piece of music, our friends, spouses, lovers. Let’s start by declaring 30 minutes a day to savor...something.

What will you savor today? I’d love to hear back from you!

Oprah, this one's for us

The other day on the Oprah show, Ms. Winfrey was doing an expose about her recent weight gain. She pretty much said everything that she said in the article in the January issue of "O" but on television you got to see the true intensity of her anger, shame and disappointment with herself. She was being so punitive I just couldn't believe it. I wanted to jump into the TV set and say Oprah, girl it's OK. This is your issue, this is how you act out when you don't know what to do. What you need here is compassion for yourself and your situation. Everyone has their thing that they do when they're under duress. Everyone.

My heart was really breaking for her in that moment as she chastised herself on national television. I felt humiliated for her because I have treated myself with the same cruelty and lack of understanding where it comes to food issues all of my life. There is nothing more transformative than being able to observe your own behavior in another. I thank you Oprah for allowing us to see your pain and for helping me to find new ways to deal with my own.

Stepped off the curb. Again.

It all started innocently enough with Christmas Eve dinner. Larry and I went out to an Italian restaurant where I planned to just eat a normal meal and that's it. No drinking, no dessert. While waiting for my beloved at the bar I ended up having a delightful glass of Rose at the suggestion of Joe, Centro’s most excellent barkeep. It was Christmas Eve, I was going to have a beautiful dinner with my husband so why not have a glass of wine at the bar. Then dear Joe poured me some of this incredible Blood Orange liqueur and after a few sips of that my judgment left the building. Once we sat down to dinner we ordered a bunch of appetizers and I had an incredible lobster risotto. We're still OK as far as I'm concerned and then they pull out the dessert menu. Homemade Baba Au Rhum? I'm not leaving without eating that. So now I'm officially off the reservation and the the bag of Lindt truffles that I had in the pantry at home is now fair game. Because I didn't have enough to eat at the restaurant. But mostly because they were there and because I could. Thursday was a lazy day and we had pasta and salad for dinner. By Saturday when I put on my jeans they were tight. My first thought was "3 days being off the program and already I’m gaining weight?" I was so disgusted and I felt such a loss of control—not about my eating but about my body. Why would my pants be tight from one day of overeating? I felt like hurling myself out a window and I could feel myself getting into that old familiar rage. How could I be on a 10 week cleanse and then have one day of overeating impact my body that much?. OK I wasn’t a model citizen on Thursday and Friday but I ate pretty normally. Was it the half a bag of popcorn at the movies on Thursday? Was it the two pieces of millet toast with butter on Friday? I mean really—is the margin for error that small?


It’s that feeling of constriction that I simply cannot tolerate—of having to watch every single morsel that I eat. I no longer have any interest in living that vigilant of a life. I did at one time, but at this point I’ve got other things I want to spend my time on. So here I am busting out of my jeans and wanting to scream my head off until I have no voice because I am so livid. The root of this monstrous emotion? Powerlessness. That's it in one word Just the thought that I do not have control over my own body is enough to make me want to kill. And what happens when those kinds of feelings come up? I overeat and the more I overeat the worse the situation gets.

So here was my week: Saturday—discovered that in going off my program for three days I already started to gain weight which made Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday “all you can eat” days. So now I’ve gained more weight and even fewer of my clothes fit me. I guess I’m not the only one starting the New Year this way and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Honestly, I just want to get on with my life and not have to worry about any of this. It’s so tedious and it’s something that I used to deal with on a daily basis for years. I’m tired, tired, tired of this ride and I want to get off. Right now.

It seems like my options are:

1. Start drinking again. Then I won’t care that nothing fits me.
2. Wear skirts with elastic waist bands. Then I’ll forget that nothing fits me.
3. Buy new clothes in a bigger size. Then everything will fit me.
4. Stop giving a shit. Then it won’t matter what does or does not fit me.

“Monty, I’d like what’s behind door #4 please.”
And Monty, I really really mean that.